


The Time Given To Us

by Professor SS19 (ProfessorSS19)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:39:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorSS19/pseuds/Professor%20SS19
Summary: Severus and Albus are swiftly approaching the final act.  Time is taking its toll on Albus, and Severus insists that they take an evening away to reflect.  Sentimental twaddle ensues, because, of course it does - but this time, it has some...literary merit, perhaps?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	The Time Given To Us

Severus stood in the doorway to the Headmaster’s office, wearing a rather chipped mask that he supposed was also his face.He watched as the older wizard sat behind his desk, scribbling frantically on parchment, shoulders hunched, something of a wild frenzy in those blue eyes, and looking every bit his age - which Severus had not seen before, in seventeen years of close proximity.Albus Dumbledore had never looked…old.He had always seemed to have the grace of several gazelles, the youth of a child and the humour of…well, a child too.Never had he seemed old, never had he seemed weak, and never had he seemed defeated, and yet -

“Headmaster.” He murmured from the door, and he supposed it was evidence of his position that Albus stopped, and glanced toward him.“Will you just…stop?Just…just stop.”

“This has to be done, Severus.The war is lost, with complacency.”

He wanted to utter something in reply, about how the war was already lost.There were times when he avoided looking at Albus’ hand, and there were other times when he could not draw his eyes away from it - and tonight, one of those nights, he saw every inch of black and grey and withering - “The war can spare you, for one evening, I am sure.I just…”They were running out of time.It was slipping - cliched, yes, but slipping, between Severus’ finger tips even as he grasped desperately for more - he did not know, he could not comprehend, would not imagine, what life would be like without Albus, no matter how close that day now was.At the start of the year, when this had been agreed, it had felt…far off, no sense of finality, and Severus supposed his lingering sense of optimism that somehow sustained itself when living alongside a Gryffindor who was forever bright and cheerful, had convinced him that maybe there would be some way out of this.That maybe he would find a cure, or maybe Albus would find a way to reverse the curse, and they would not be heading for a collision where one of them would live, and the other would survive, and no power in the universe could ever convince Severus that Albus deserved to die, and Severus deserved to live.But that was going to be the outcome, and Severus hated the world for it - he hated Albus, for making such a foolish decision - he hated himself, for not knowing how to solve it - and he hated the Dark Lord, but then, that was just part of his character now.The Dark Lord was going to be instrumental in the lost of yet another ultimately important person in Severus’ life.He had never had the chance to explain to Lily.He had never had the chance to go to her, and to say that he was sorry - and there were no apologies needed between him and Albus, but he would be damned if he would lose someone else he loved without having spent as much time as possible with - “Can we just - not be here.”

His indecisive sentence had held Albus’ attention, and the other regarded him with an expression Severus could not decipher, “At Hogwarts?”

“Yes.”Severus hesitated, “Can we just - just for this evening - anywhere but here.”Hogwarts was his home; and it was Albus’ home; and it would become Severus’ prison and Albus’ tomb.All the happy memories he had in the castle would be mere shadows, haunted every step by the deed he would commit, and yes he knew it was what Albus wanted, and yes he knew it would free Albus from the pain, and yes he knew it would save the life of a young Slytherin, and yes he knew it would shift the war finally in the favour of the Light, but none of these reasons were reasons why Severus had to be even vaguely pleased that this was the turn of events.He did not know how to stop this from showing on his face, and clearly Albus saw, because Albus stood, and closed up the parchment, and crossed to Severus, and without a world, held out his arm, which Severus, of course, took.

There was something about Apparating with such a powerful wizard which improved the entire experience, and dispelled much of the nausea that came from such a travel method.He instantly felt sand beneath his laced shoes, and where his hands were not covered with his robes, there was a sense of the slightest breeze which had enough thickness to be more of a caress.He wanted to hide the small smile at the familiarity, the nostalgia, and that damned rush of affection for his mentor, who somehow had known precisely where Severus had wanted to go.He was not surprised though.“An excellent choice.”

“When you can go anywhere in the world, Severus - “Albus was busying himself with his wand, apparently transfiguring something for them to sit on, while Severus’ gaze was - as it was, forever - captured by the stars above.“I find it most fitting to go somewhere where the memories are happiest, and the companionship is warm.”He laid the blanket down on the sand, inviting Severus to sit - which Severus did, but only after he had insisted the Headmaster did first - and only so he could ensure that he did not take up more than a third of the blanket, because - well, Albus was old, not that Severus would ever admit that out loud.Much.

“Was it our third trip to the catacombs, or the fourth?”Albus asked after a moment, and Severus glanced to him, “When…?”

“I was thinking of the animated stone skeleton nights in the tomb, or more precisely, I was thinking of the look on your face as you stared over my shoulder and clearly had a moment of utter disbelief followed by - “

“How am I going to describe this to you.”Severus knew his cheeks flushed with the slightest colour, “It was not meant to be a dangerous expedition, that time.”

“Fabulous entertainment, my dear boy.Certainly a way to ensure that the heart rate stays up.I find myself longing for simpler times when the only threat to us was a reanimated army of some long lost leader.”Albus’ gaze drifted into the distance, and Severus was never sure how to help him return from here.“We only know the golden moments, when we are without them, and find ourselves remembering.”

Albus chuckled, “That is one of mine.”

“Yes, said to me many a time.”

“So you do listen.”

“Occasionally, Headmaster.Occasionally.Not necessarily about not disturbing long dead tombs, mind you.”

They sat for some more time in a silence that could not be considered comfortable, for both men were deep int thoughts that could never be comfortable, but there was some sort of companionship and friendship in the silence, that which is borne over many years of being together, and coming to understand one another, and not always needing words to ensure sentiment was shared.Severus looked to the array of stars above them.

“Have I made a mistake, Severus?”Albus said finally.“I find myself…increasingly concerned that I have…made a mistake.”

“What with?”

“This plan.Much is being left to chance - much is being asked, of those who never asked for it.I…I am not unaware of the price that others have to pay, for my machinations.”The voice sounded worn beyond all comprehension, and when Severus looked once more to a face he knew as well as his own, the lines upon the skull’s flesh seemed carved even more deeply, driven with exhaustion and pain and loss.“It is not a mistake.This is…under the circumstances,” And he could not believe he would say the words, “The best possible strategy.It will prevail, Albus.I will ensure it, if nothing else.”

“Are you not frightened, Severus?”

“Terribly.Are you?You are the one who will die, before the month is finished.”Since when had he been able to deliver words so clearly, and so simply, and without a flinch?Albus was the closest thing to a father he had ever known, and indeed had ever imagined. 

“Absolutely.I have always reassured others in the face of death that it is nothing to be afraid of - and yet, now, I find myself more and more paralysed.”Albus’ hands were trembling in his lap, and Severus was long past the point of deliberately not noticing these things.Once, he would have been unsure of what to do - now, he moved without thinking - just gently, just slightly, to rest his scarred hand over that of Albus’ which was causing such pain.He wished the warmth of his touch would spread to Albus’ cold skin, but the time for feeling was long past gone.He knew how far the blackness had spread beneath Albus’ robes.He knew that there was nothing more to be done.Even the grip as Albus’ fingers tightened around his was lacklustre, evermore so.Severus swallowed, glancing to the sky, “You used to tell the stories about the constellations with the most painfully obvious metaphors about - whatever - love, affection, partnership etc. - do you have none for tonight?”

“I think the time for metaphors is long passed, my boy.”

He could not bear the edge of defeat.“Before I came to Hogwarts, there was a book I read - from the library at home - called ‘The Lord of The Rings’.It has a rather…interesting interpretation of magic, and its purposes and uses, but I devoured anything in the Muggle world that even hinted at the idea of magic - there was a wizard in it called Gandalf, and he was what I imagined you to be like.He was very wise and very powerful and had a long beard.Most wizards in the Muggle world have long beards.” 

“Should I take this comparison as a compliment - or more crucially, did I live up to expectations?”Albus seemed curious now - Severus knew why, he did not often reminisce about a time before the Dark Lord’s first fall, and even when he did, it was always to offer some sort of strategic insight and never to indulge, but Severus felt most strongly that they needed to indulge now.“Well, I wouldn’t want to see you fight - he - he had a staff, and could use a sword and as much as I am sure you could wield the Gryffindor weapon proudly - “

“I have actually - “

Severus stopped, “When did you - you did not tell me that - “

The smile had a hint of smugness, “A story for another time, Severus.”

“Ah - the so called - ‘portrait life’?”

The chuckle had gained that undertone that haunted their every step, “We will need something to entertain ourselves.Anyway.I will not challenge this Gandalf of yours in a duel.I sensed your story was coming to some sentimental and thoughtful and momentous conclusion, which would suggest you have been learning from the best…”

Severus exhaled through his teeth. He did not know when their positions had shifted just slightly so that Albus leaned more heavily against him, but neither was he begrudging the contact, and again he found himself wishing desperately that he could ease the pain, and stop the suffering, without having to say goodbye…without actually saying goodbye.“There’s a scene when the main character has a dream of what the next life looks like.He sees a curtain, as if made from rain, and in shades of grey - but behind it, there is light - and the grey turns to silver, and then beyond it is rolling countryside and brilliant greens and a new sunrise, casting its beauty upon the dawn.I always…I liked that description.I hope that is what it is like in reality.”

“So do I, my boy.So do I.”

The grey hair was slightly more wiry than Severus remembered, but that did not mean it was not comfortable.He wanted to stay here - perhaps, even here - among this moment of peace, where they both watched the stars, maybe the dark curses could not reach them, maybe the Dark Mark could not interrupt them, maybe the enemy would not find them - but he was reminded that, in the grander picture, they were both so tiny, and not unimportant, but certainly inconsequential.Albus would give his life for the cause, and Severus knew it was highly likely he would too, and they would pass on into memories, like ships into the night, and a new generation would remember them with the falsehoods of nostalgia, gloss over their flaws and shout about their achievements, and they would live on in those forms.What they were, here, now, would be lost - and he supposed, that did not matter too much.It was alive, and it was now.He felt something akin to peace, and this was the stillest he had seen Albus since the start of the year, so he hoped - perhaps - maybe -

“Thank you, Severus.You were right to ask us to come here.”

“Do you…do you wish to go back?”

“Not presently, though I suppose we should eventually.The war does need us, after all.”

“Although I know it has made me into a stronger person…I wish this had not come to pass.I wish this would not come to pass.I wish there was another way.I wish this was not how it had to end.You could have done so much more, and I could have learned so much more from you.I wish it was not this way.” 

Albus did not reply for a very, very long moment - to the point where Severus wondered if perhaps his sentimental twaddle - another habit observed and gained from his mentor - may have finally exhausted him, or perhaps finished him.But then, finally, Albus spoke.“So do all who live to see such times.”

Severus straightened - those words were familiar -

“But it is not for us to decide.”Albus had been staring, still, into the distance as he preferred, but as he felt Severus’ reaction, those blue eyes - suddenly, alive, with youth and mirth and amusement at Severus’ disbelief - enjoying the reveal, as always, as the great and wise Albus Dumbledore always did, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”


End file.
